Oh to be swept up
in the tension
of changing seasons
It's both beautiful and strange
freeing and confusing
all at once
I've come to learn that there is never a point in which letting go of something old or starting something new feels natural. It requires courage and trust- virtues that grow and strengthen until our time is up.
It's that time of year when it feels like summer in the sun, but winter in the shade, and it's precisely that kind of tension that I have become well acquainted with these past four years.
When I graduated high school and tumbled into college life/learning how to live on my own, I set aside writing because I felt like I didn’t have anything of value to share. My love for reading was just beginning to take root, and I settled on the reality that everything good to be said had already been written- of what use would my words be?
Part of that perspective, I believe, was the Lord grabbing my hand, telling me to shut up, listen, and learn- as the proceeding four years since have been wrought with my heart coming face to face with sin and gordian knot lies that we are still untangling today. One of those repulsive sins being a pursuit of maintaining some “moral compass” around my life (which dictated many of my decisions) to control how others perceived me, rather than operating out of the sustaining love of God- insert need to step away from writing here.
I had to learn to be honest with myself, get comfortable with where I was at spiritually, mentally, and emotionally, and be willing to understand that the Father’s heart lies in the process and not the product.
Blessed are those who cannot pray with eloquence or length of time and just aren't good at being spiritual- for the body of Christ is made for the ordinary man.
I did not really understand love, grace, beauty, truth, or goodness- I knew things, I heard things, but there was a huge disconnect between my heart and my head. I loved to jump to abstract ideas and challenging concepts as if I had something to prove or a battle to fight, but one cannot fight a battle, or communicate complex ideas until they understand simplicity.
"Put the cookies on the bottom shelf" is what I always like to say.
College is beginning to come to a close and I can feel a shift in my heart as this season of life, as well as family dynamics physically begin to change.
I’ve come to understand that writing, and sharing our stories- in general - is a lot like hosting a dinner party. You send out an invite- some come, and some do not, but there is one thing that remains true- you serve the ones that do. And yes, so many truthful, beautiful, life-changing, words have been written, but it’s impossible to read them all. So, we’ve got to share what we can in hope, trust, and anticipation, that maybe it will be that one word, sentence, quote, experience, or thought that someone out there in this digital age needed to read.
I’ve decided that we should all have “in progress” written on our foreheads. But, since we do not, I will choose to see us all as though we do.
I'm not sure what direction this portion of my blog is headed, but I realized that if I don't start somewhere, I will never begin, so here we go, friends. I'm giving it the freedom it needs to be what the Lord wants it to be and would love for you to join me in that.
Let's shift the narrative from always feeling like we need a big adventure or story to tell, to looking at the process of life dead in the eye and learn to work, worship, study, speak, and live as Christ did in the every day ordinary happenings of life.
Everyone has a process that at some point becomes a story. Stories are captivating- I'm a wedding photographer, and journalism student so believe me when I say- I know.
But the process has equal weight, and it is where we spend most of our breath, so in my opinion, that's where the power, honesty, and authenticity of our lives find its vitality.
I hope that by starting to share parts of my process over these past few years, and the years to come, you will see more of Christ, and find a new taste for the beauty of it all- just as I am.